How young can you die of old age?
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
If you choke a Smurf, what color will it turn?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
How do Keep Off The Grass signs get there?
Do we make bombs better or worse?
If a person told you they were a pathological liar, would you believe them?
If pro is the opposite of con, and progress is moving forward, what is congress?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose?
If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it declared a hostage situation?
Why was the Holy Roman Empire neither holy nor Roman?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Why is minimalism such a big word?
How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

I know one thing, the answer to the 7th one down is Yes.... xx

I shall attempt to enlighten you my unknowing friend.

1) My age +4, anyone 4 years older than me is old, anyone 4 years younger than me is a kid, within the age range (and before marriage) makes you a potential shag or friend. Currently anyone who is 29 is a gonner.

2)Microsoft.

3)I'm always hungry.

4)Made IE 7

5)Meetings would be much shorter.

6)Same reason why I was once a baby but there are still babies.

7)I'm never wrong

Yeeeeeeeee

9)Purple, tis the same with Wombles

10)He fell out of a tree just like Duncan Goodhew, but only fell half as hard.

11)No it would be a CATastrophe.

12)Tessa Sanderson puts them there.

13)I don't make bombs. Expect a visit from the anti-terror unit sometime soon.

14)Why would I be listening to someone who was talking about someone who isn't me?

15)Kind of like a constipated bowel, full of shit.

16)They know when the TV crew will come round so they pop to the shops to avoid them.

17)Cos actual lemons taste like shit?

18)So cats chase mice around the house rather than cows and chickens.

19)Incase they change their mind halfway through.

20)Because it's A PART of the building.

21)Can men? I've never tried, have you?

22)Only if it was sucking another cow's tits at the time.

23)No it's considered a care in the community cost cutting measure.

24)Tax reasons.

25)Due to the mass of a sponge it would be shallower. Finally a use for that physics crap I learnt.

26)Why is the word penis so short?

27)Scratch and sniff.

28)I would hope so that foul little fucker.

29)That colour wouldn't match my shoes.

30)Cos Diet Pepsi is more tolerable than that piss they call Pepsi

31)Yes but then it makes the expected unexpected so it all evens out.

One of these days I'll discover what it is I'm supposed to do at work, next week is 2 years in this job and so far all I've done is browse the web and complain