God I hate them....

I've just spent 3 minutes trying to return a call about my broadband account and finding every fucking option just diverting me through to another number - it's such a fucking pisstake it's untrue.

Bt manual of customer service

1. Leave ambiguous computer generated voice message on customers answerphone

2. Make sure every option available to the customer points them to another 0845 number when they ring trying to find out why the fuck they were called

3. Leave a message on the number that dialled the customer so when they ring that number back trying to have a whinge about this shite state of BT customer services that tells the customer "they haven't been charged" (it's a fucking good job too!) and informs them that BT will ring again...

Great

Another lame voiced general bt call that I know will divert me to numbers that won't be answered and leave me trapped in IVR Hell whilst I try and find out what the fuck it was they wanted.

oh and I have to have my broadband details to hand.... Which one ffs the college has about 10 broadband accounts - although not for much longer after this - we're going to move to a company that have a real human being for me to moan at when they're acting like Arsenal Supporters

Honestly - I'm sure someone works at BT who's desperate to make the company appear like utter wankers.

Gangst and cloud - move on - nothing to see here - I know it's not you two doing this...

well it better not be...

M

Most companies are the same. I phoned lloyds up the other week and got about 50 different numbers to phone from each person. The number I got off the internet which said was the number to call for my problem was a fucking joke. I have since scrapped my card with them. fucking wasters.

Did you get all those other maps in the coh section downloaded cal?

I'm thinking we should sort some coh fun this evening - do some more vp games as I'm enjoying them lots right now..

M

What was wrong with good old smoke signals eh? Who needs this telecommunicationwossit.

I have sympathy for a lot of people in this world. A real lot. You, Goose, are not included. Dry your fucking eyes.

Out.

Love it.

Try moving house, you have to speak to twenty odd Machine answering companies.

Do you swear like fuck at them as well? You know its not gonna get you any where, but it has to be done

Support for my ISP is pretty good actually, they check stuff out immediately for you.
And if you've waited more than 10mins, they will call you back. Wasn't always like this though

I've only had to phone 'em 4 times or so

Kicking your cardboard box down the street isn't exactly moving house you fucking hobo...


as for you minx - go back to shoving your guitar up your arse!




M

STFU or I'll take down every single one of your Broadband connections until you write a grovelling apology on this forum.

Oh and while you're at it please make it clear which company you are not happy with. I work for BT Wholesale and Cloud works for Openreach. I suspect it is BT Retail that you are having an issue with. And dont say 'same company' coz it aint.

If it's different companies you can't take my broadband connections down you flid!

I don't know who the fuck they are - I can't get through to them - it's whoever supports bt business adsl these days.....

M

I have found that email is the most effective method of communication with BT, often returning results in less than 3 weeks
That's if you can find the email address or a phone number for that matter. The BT website is almost like IVR hell but you're caught in an endless loop of rotating links and being forced to speak to some virtual, shit for brains automated assistant.
Just be thankful you don't actually have a problem.... well, not with your broadband anyway <hugs>

zing!
top reply quite fwankly

I can and I will as BT Retail (probably your SP) buys DSL off Wholesale. We own the core network and DSL equipment in the exchanges and sell DSL products and backhaul to most if not all UK SPs

Flid

Do It, I dare you!!!

go on shorty!! DO IT!!

I still contend that you can't because

A) you've sold it already
B ) unless you're a mind reader you don't know the phone number!

M
p.s. I see your flid and raise you a Gay Lord!

Hmmm

Lets see:

1. Look up the address of your employer on the intarweb
2. Enter postcode into the largest database in Europe that stores every detail of every phone line in the UK.
3. Check which ones registered to your employer have broadband
4. Make careful note of CBUK numbers the unique broadband circuit identifier
5. Fuck you up in any one of a hundred ways from limiting bandwidth to shutting down the circuit completely.

I fek your gaylord in the ass and raise you dribbling fuckwit

Or you could just FIX MY FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!

I raise your dribbling fuckwit and give you a sweaty flange!

M

Sorry - all my agents are busy at the moment. Your call is important to us and you are moving up the queue.

lmao

The bt is strong with this one!




M

I disagree. Jace's statement imparts an element of hope and confirmation that your enquiry is being dealt with. I don't think he's proper BT material; you should be going round the IVR at least thrice more before finding the queue. tsk tsk.

Just give me some MDF references Jase and I'll head up there with the cutters. Usually find bb engineers turning up to resolve problems once a few jumper wires get snipped....

So what was the actual original problem with the bb anyways?

He doubted us Cloud.................... we should fix him gooooood

Hehe, feels damn good to be back I missed teh intrawebbyness.

But yes..... doubt is bad.

*brandishes obass access card and tools and casually wanders into relevant Cov exchange* Now, if I just cross this with that and mix those with these.... muahahahahaha.

I am deeply hurt at being labelled btw, just cos I drive a van with a huge smarties logo on the side doesn't mean I work for BT. It's Openreach I tells ya. *maniacal laughter to fade*

How come you find all of these things to cause trouble, but when you phone a call centre the retard on the other end of the phone couldn't find his own arse with both hands and a map?

Coz all the call centres are in India????

*waves hand left to right slowly*

These are not the call centres you are looking for.

Outsourcing to India? BT Retail? No, no, no. REMOTE sourcing I tells ya. I think the PR still counts it as a colony if you read the blurb right

I can of course reliably state that both Jase and myself can find our own butts tho. Most days anyway.

And is that still with both hands or can you manage with one? <waves>

Hehe. One'll do. *waves back*

Ah, you just can't buy entertainment this good...

Goose has gone awfully quiet - did somebody disconnect him from the net?
Look on the bright side though, you could be with NTL!

Virgin surely