Rampaging Baby Walruses that eat Dogs and excrete Silly Putty

Some slimy, sticky goop that kids like to play with is now for sale in Gadgetzan. Wait... uh, let me think. Maybe it was for sale in another sandy location. Yea, I'm not so sure about Gadgetzan now. Hopefully it's not someone's nether region. Hey, what if your nether region was actually a nether storm... that'd be one wicked burn. I'd stay away from those goblin "paid assistants," who knows what jungle fever they caught. I wonder if the Netherstorm is Outland's nether region. Eww, that explains a lot. So yea. Buy some silly putty. It's, uh, coolioo! That's what you tauren and tykes say now days right? Also beware of the baby walruses, they WILL eat your dog.


A really big mouth somewhere, hopefully dead

The obligatory instance will be a really big mouth. Teeth and taste buds will attack you, but the mouth will be dead. Or it should be. Attack the teeth and taste buds and get wonderous items like tier 1 (again) and reputation to yet another reputation: the anti-teeth and taste buds coalition. You know you want waste time building this reputation, so find this instance somewhere. Hopefully dead.


New classes: Rouge, Droid, locks, loladins, and Huntards

We're finally adding a new class to the game. Five in fact. Enjoy playing as the lustrous female only rouge class, dwarf and tauren only. Rouges use sexy moves to captivate their enemies with their hot bodies. Hot stuff for sure. Locks are the anti-rogue class. Instead of unlocking items, they lock them! Ohohoho how evil and fantastic. Enjoy locking doors that go nowhere 350 times to build your lock skill. It will be fun. Droids are robot versions of your race and are invincible. But if they go in the water, they die. So be careful of rain, urinating people, or obligatory mage tears after reading this patch. Huntards are for a sake of political correctness, so people of all backgrounds and mental capabilities will find a class they can relate to. Loladins will be a new class focusing on emote combat, tickling and laughing at their enemies until they feel pity and give up, or punch the player in the face. Gamble your way to 70!


General Notes

Added Silly Putty in Gadgetzan

Added A really big mouth somewhere, hopefully dead instance

Added Rouge, droid, locks, loladins, and huntard classes

Changed flight points to make them go the scenic route more often

Adjusted flight point costs to reflect the longer distances. Longer distances = more money.

Poor players will no longer be able to speak. Sorry. No begging or gold website advertising.

Rich players will be exempt from taxes, I mean, durability repair prices.

Blood elves and Night elves will now be able to marry and have children, as intended. This was an oversight and we forgot elves should still be genetically compatible, no matter the skin color.

Will of the Forsaken will be removed, due to popular opinion. Replacing it will Emo Feelings of the Forsaken, which makes the /dance emote cooler. I mean, coolioo.

New emote: psspfiggj (people should stop putting fruit in green jello). This is a facial expression of extreme stern, similar to the facial expression one would have if a bunch of intestinal worms spontaneously had explosive diahrea in your gut. Yea, wouldn't that be wonderous? Warm and dripping worm goop all over your innards. I bet you'd have a freaky face too.


Druid

New epic swim form. Druids needed another method to escape.

Bear and cat druids will now catch fleas. Fleas drink your blood. Ouch.

Moonkin form will be removed.

Oomkin form will be added as a new 31 point talent for balance. Oomkin form can launch nuclear missiles and go stealth, but red dots appear on targets. 12-18 second casting time, depending on youtube video that we're closely analyzing of star...warcraft 2.2. Instantly drains mana... oom, yea.

Another distasteful and brown colored armor set will be added. Yes, it will look like poop. Poop is part of nature too.


Hunter

Removing previous fix of unsummoning pets when mounting. Now when flying, pets will walk on extendable stilts. For protection, they WILL wear kneepads.

Owls will take damage and lose happiness if eating tootsie pop foods.

Turtles will eventually win the race, just wait.

Cockroaches can now be tamed, and are immune to oomkin spells and nukes.


Mage

New, splendid icon added for blink.

Conjure sugar has been added. This will make summoned bread and water taste better.

Teleport: Pizza Hut and Portal: Pizza Hut has been added, because Pizza Hut isn't in enough MMORPGs.

Each additional point in Improved Frostbolt and Improved Fireball will now reduce the mage's spell damage and intellect by 25%. Yes, that will add up to a -125% intellect, successfully unlocking the huntard class for your account.

Pyroblast will be instant cast no matter what now, because mages weren't doing enough instantaneous damage in the high thousands.

Mage global cooldown is now 4 and 3/7ths minutes to compensate for the new pyroblast. It's balance.


Paladin

The raid color to distinguish paladins will now be hot pink. HOT pink. Mmm. Shake it!

Removed plate armor for paladins since they all wore priest stuff anyway.

Retribution paladins have been deleted, replaced with a same level loladin.

Since it was too hard compared to the horde quest, the alliance quest for epic chargers has been removed. Alliance paladins will now receive, for free, a pink cloud to sit on that glides and leaves a trail of glitter and flowers.

A free cabbage patch baby doll has been given to every paladin, so they can neglect something just like their CM neglects them.


Priest

Discipline will be reworked, but will remain ambiguous to what its role is.

Smite's graphic now shows the hand of a deity pushing on enemies with his finger. That finger could be poking anything.... anything. Ye hath been smitten!

Clicking children NPCs will result in an instant ban for inappropriate actions.

Priests will not be allowed to join the UN, just observe.


Rogue

Triple wielding has been added for level 70 rogues. Hold weapons with your tongue now! Triple wielded weapons have a 99% chance to miss, and a 13.4% chance to blind yourself permanently.

A new quest has been added to receive an epic quality dagger. It will require clearing every heroic instance twice. The reward is the bendy straw dagger, with an equip bonus of sucking up liquids that are awkwardly stuck to the bottom of containers. I'm looking at you, milkshakes.

Stabbing things has never been easier. Auto attack is now literally auto attack. It will click sinister strike for you! Just sit back and watch, playing your one-button class like never before.

Stealth has been renamed to instant win, but only if you get the jump. If you don't, then you probably die. Probably. Unless it's one of those loladins or huntards. lol, stupid loladins.


Shaman

Deleted.


Warlock

New creatures to summon! After a long quest involving your flying mount and exploring a new kingdom in the clouds, warlocks can summon Rainbow Bears-that-Care. These bears really care, so they hurt. A lot. Beware of the rainbows they shoot from their adorably fuzzy bellies. Comes in hot pink, purple, baby duck yellow, and robins egg blue varieties.

We say fear breaks easier now, but secretly we're changing it to never break.

A new armor set has been added, which looks totally better than the rest, as usual. Too bad only one guild in the world will get it, because they have no lives. Nihilosers.


Warrior

Ogres grip has been added, allowing two-handed weapons to be dual wielded. But you become fat in the process. Really fat. Try getting laid now, fatty.

Charge will now sometimes charge in the opposite direction, since lag usually puts you that way anyway. Now if you charge the opposition direction, and lag kicks in, you'll actually hit your target!

Just because you don't lose enough to mages already, we're making spell reflect have an even more obvious animation.

Devestate has been removed.

Devestatingly underwhelming has been added. Using this shows others how boring your class is.


Quest and Item Fixes

Removed Shaman quests and items.

Flying mounts are now usable in Azeroth, but if you fly over areas we haven't finished yet, we will cover your screen in big black censored bars. We promise we're not hiding our tastefully taken adult images in those areas.

Fixed diet Dr. Pepper to really taste like Dr. Pepper.

Follow quests will now move 50% slower, to reflect how fat and lazy everyone is getting. These quests will also randomly fail, due to heart attacks from the hard work of walking at a slower pace then some of those stupid death scenes in those B-movies. Those movies were only good for their gracious amounts of nudity anyway.


UI changes

Random gibberish that only mod coders will recognize, but you should know because it just broke half your addons.

LFG tool has been removed. In its place, people will just randomly join groups when alone, and will randomly leave their group to join another when in a group. Think of it is a blind date at one of those dating circle get togethers. It's a weird combination, and we're making it happen.


Mac

and cheese?

So what exactly has changed?